Cool + Emo

I just realised that some people who is good in drawing, and what I mean is, really good in drawing, always look emotional. Believe it or not. I have some prove here, like one of my friend, my classmate, Z.J. is good in drawing, and you can always see her siting down, without any expression. If you ask her why and she reply, mean she is still okay and you may comtinue disturb her ; but if she gives you a serious look, hehe, better watch out, she might take her bazuka out from her bag and blast you with it !

Of course, she do laugh sometimes when she thinks it's worth laughing. She will eventually smile abit when all of us laughing like a mad man. She wil only laugh like a mad person when... erm... well, I'm not so sure when, but I know some certain time la. Well, she is a cool person anyway, I like her. What I mean is I like her as what / who she is and thanks for being my friend Z.J. I hope you will not mind about what I mentioned here.

Another example is, a friend I know from Friendster. Well, I don't know does he consider me as his friend as I dono how many times we chat online. He is just someone I know from the net and I found him quite cool. His pictures are somehow / sometimes quite emotionless and he likes to edit his pics with... violent cartoon character.

Yoz friend, if you are reading this and you know it's you I'm mentioning here, I wish you don't mind too. As I said, you are a cool person and I llike the way / style you edit your pics. I even likes your picture and wish I have such talent. Seriously, I don't mind being emotionless, what I want is to be talented and not like what am I now.

What am I now ? I also don't know. Just an ordinary teenager ? And that is all ?! It's not enough you know ? If I have some talents, or maybe at least one, I might feel satisfied. I mean, like ZJ and Mr Artist, they can draw so well, like Justin O. can host, act and sing, like Sean T. can sing, act, dance, host and so... They are talented and they are cool people ! What am I, I'm asking again and again and again ???!!! A normal person don't make me outstanding ! Even if I'm a nerd or geek, I might be the smartest person in class / college / state / country. Even if I'm a handsome guy with nice and fit body, doesn't need much talent you may be choosen as an actor or a male model. Grand me nice voice I can be a superstar !

I just hate and don't want to be a NORMAL person ! Okay, at least I try to be someone special, wish I guess I did it but it brings me some stupid lame side effect. Being obedient to mummy, staying at home most of the time, acting famanine or gay (sometimes) in college do somehow 'attract' people attention. But I know, this is not a good way, people tend to disturb and bully you ! Using you as a 'thing' to them and backstep you too !

Well, I have to try forget about all this silly stuff and try being the real me. I know this is quite impossible to me as, I'm the only one who know why. I'm not telling these out as this is a person reason and I don't wish to share. I'm having this short term memories 'infection' so don't try to ask me what is it or what happen. Just treat it as 'Jason has became emo again today.' Let me be emo sometimes as I have to do that, I mean if I don't express to my blog, I afraid I'll keep everything in my brain, resulting some stupid psycho sickness or even worst -- split personality. I do think it's cool but I know it's bad.

Realising that I have so many cool friends around. Alicia, Dara, Geoffrey, Jing Chen, Mun Suet, Robin, Wei Hong, Winnie, Kian Yang, Nadia, Rachel(s), Alisa,... all sorts of cool people are actually hanging around me but somehow, I felt I'm the one who is acting cool. Guess I should listen to Alicia, 'just be who you are, we are friends because of who you are not how you look like to fit in the class...' I appreciate it alot !

Wow, now I know I can blog so much in such condition: air-conditioned, quite and peaceful, with a suitable title. I wish I can delete all un-needed files in my brain memory. Clean it up yoz !

*be myself* [J]