A Long Complain

I am currently in the college library. It has been a long time after the last visit to the library. It's 8.34 am right now and I am so tired and can't gather up my mood to do my stuff, even blog. Maybe because I slept quite late last night and keep awaking this morning due to the irritating alarm I set.

Ironic isn't it ? I set the alarm myself but I found it irritating. Well, sorry about the entry last night. I don't meant to curse, but in order to let me remember something happened last night, and to release stress as well, I have to do that.

My life sux I can say, although there are more people who is in some worst situation than mine, and I should consider myself lucky, but still, an ironical person like me will always thinks that my life is not as good as the life other people are leading now. My Life SUX !!!

Okay, parents are always care of their children, I understand that. But being too caring and wanted to control their children is somehow, too over exaggerating right ? I mean, come on ! Knowing someone who is elder, and working is not a bad thing right ? Which law listed in Malaysia saying that college students can only click to college students ? Which law says that college student cannot make friends with working adult ? Tell me !

I am 18 this year, I am not 8. But sweetly, you treat me like an 8 years old kid ! You tend to lock me in the house to confirm that I am safety. But heck ! You think the house is very safe ? If you are so worry about my safety, I guess you will freak out after knowing that many accidents do happened at home too. I can commit suicide anytime anywhere anyhow I want !

I mean, I am 18 and I do understand what I want. I know what is right to do and what is wrong. But you guys never give me enough space to show or to prove you wrong. Raising me up like that in such situation will help or lead me into a better person ? I don't think so. Why you want your son to be so gentle ? No you are not allowed to go here, No you are not allow to do that. No you are too young to do this, No you are too young to know someone who is not suppose to be in your life circle. What's wrong now having friends with all kind or age or what ? Why must you lock me in this pathetic comfort zone ?

Yes I know you are being protective, but don't you think that it's too much ? I pity my own sister even, as I think her life is even miserable than mine, if I am her, I might have gone insane.

I requested a laptop in the beginning of the year. You said NO, and for my own safety, you got a a PC with an expensive computer table that I purposely choose that model. You scared I bring it outside, and you scare the snatch thief snatch it away from me. FINE. I wanted to get something I want using my own money, I safe my pocket money and try to get some Chinese Novels or what so every. You don't allowed too. Saying that I am not reading academic book, and it's a waste of time. What the ? At least I read right ?! You even said that the pocket money I save is not mine, as that was my dad's money. Okay, fine too. I plan to work now, to get whatever I want using MY OWN MONEY. You guys don't allowed me to work ! Saying that if I want to work now, why bother studying ; or you even ask, are you really in need of money, I will give you. Hey, I feel bad you know to keep asking for money and I wanted to buy something you don't allowed me to buy by using your money, so how am I suppose to do so ?

I wanted to work, to get experience and money, to get something I aim and I want. I am not going to disturb your life. I will still try to pass my my examinations. I will try to control myself, and what is wrong with that ?! You don't allowed me to get someone I love, saying that "if you want a girlfriend, don't study ; if you want to study, don't have girlfriend". How lame is it ? This is the 20th century now folks, I am not living in 1970s or further, why can't I have my own choice ?

I don't get enough love I think, and I need some. Parental love and loving love is different for your information. And I guess you guys understand well than me. Unless you guys had already felt bored to each other, and don't trust anything about love anymore. Sorry to say that, I am being no manners.

People change. How long you wanna keep me in this cage ? Until I am 20 ? 21 ? 25 ? 30 ? I doubt you will let me go. I am trying to be honest to you guys last night. I planned to lie but I choose to be honest, to tell you that "I went out with a working friend, which my friend introduce to me, and we went to The Curve for dinner". I can be lying last night and enjoy the rest or my lovely night but I choose to tell the truth. And now I regreted ! I know what to do next time.

Being honest to you, my decision, as I think I am old enough to make my own friend, doesn't need your help to make friend for me. I remember this scene, and I believe most of you have it too. Which is when you are in Kindergarten or primary one, your mother will talk to the kid sitting next to you, asking him or her to be your friend. Thank you but I am no longer 6 years old, I can have my own friend. I can know people from Kedah, Sabah, Sarawak, Australia, Taiwan or wherever else !

I can have friends from age 15 to 50 if I want ! I can have friends with god, human or devil. This is my choice. I try to be a good son. I am trying so hard to make you proud. But it seems that no matter what I do, you will still over worry and tend to keep me somewhere around you that you can see me. I wanted to move out you DECLINE, I wanted to do this you say NO, I wanted to be like that you say CANNOT.

How am I suppose to learn then ? I will be a stupid dude when I come out to the society. I am nothing but just your doll. You control me, you control my life. I appreciate your care your love and your worries. But I don't appreciate it when you tend to take over my life, at least this is what I thought. I know what to do now. I seriously do. Please don't blame me for that.

People, thanks for caring, but if you think you can help me, I will appreciate it, but I am afraid I will eventually turn you down. I know this entry keep going round and round, stating and mentioning the same thing again and again. But this is what I feel, I wanted to express. If you don't wanna read it, fine. If you don't wanna care about me, fine too. Anyway, thanks friends ! [J]