METAMORPHOSIS

NO. It's not another upcoming project of mine, it's about me. Anyhow, Metamorphosis had been used once as my project name so it's quite impossible for us to re-use it again.

I have changed. From bad to good. Then from good gone bad. After that from bad turn worst. And it keep changing, downgrading.

Since long time ago, when I was just a kid, I know I'm a good boy where I listen to my parents very much. My father is quite strict to me last time and that is why I stick more to my mother. I listen to my mom, and whatever she said I will follow. "No Means No", if I am requesting for something. I used to think that I will be the bestest son in the world, wanted to be just by her side no matter where she goes. I will not want to leave her, no matter what.

I guess I started learned how to fight back when I saw some big brother fighting back to his mom, to fight for his stand. I thought I will not do that, I thought I will not be like him but who knows, I am just like him now. I am a bad boy. I lie, I fight, I even scold sometimes. Don't question me but yes I know I am evil.

I turn up to have a quite evil and bad attitude, I know I'm the one who causes all these, because I am not strong enough, to be myself. From a very nerdy boy, I became better, but not good looking. I have changed ! Totally. Well, I am more open minded compare to last time.

I curse, I lie, I do sins. I hate myself. I can't believe that I am doing all these.

Ala, now I am sad. I am emo. I am moody. Yeah babe, I'm turning wild. I don't know why.

I want a change. Oh wait... I've changed. Oh yes I did !

Actually planned to do an long emo entry, but suddenly so lazy to type.

Listening to Eyes on Me @ Acoustic Guitar version. This is calming me down. The song has been played since 5 o'clock. Together with Melodies of Life and Fake Wings. Rotated these songs, they are calming me. I love them, and thanks for Alissa.

My main purpose for this entry: I would like to change myself again. Maybe I was annoying, maybe I was playful. I want all these to be changed. To me now, life is not totally black & white. It has some colour, yes, only some, and only those dull dull colour. Better than nothing. Trying to get an artist to paint my life out, who knows you will be my artist, or me myself being the one. Hehe.

I want to concentrate on myself. To me, friendship is slightly higher than my studies. Of course family will be in the middle of these two categories. The rest, I don't wanna talk about it by the time. I will concentrate more on friendship, will try to make as many friends as I can, less enermy. Then family and following up with studies.

Friendship > Family > Studies > End (currently)

I always I wanna put friendship first, but always failed. I am quite annoyed by it, by myself sometimes. I wish I can change back. I don't want to be an annoying person. Or even a desperate one. [J]